if only i knew you,it'll be all prefect

2007-05-16T21:32:00.000+08:00

changed to livejournal but the xanga one will still be there

2007-05-11T00:27:00.001+08:00

moved: www.xanga.com/ultimategirlfriend

2007-05-11T00:27:00.000+08:00

moved: www.xanga.com/ultimategirlfriend

2007-05-09T13:27:00.000+08:00

blogger is crazy! had math paper two today. well, all i have to say is that i am going to flunk this subject like crazy. i simply dont understand what does the questions means. just one more paper because friday is listening so all i have to do is just remember to clean my ears. biology tomorrow. i hope the questions are easy to do! shall study soon. i am so excited for exams to be over. YEAH! i will scream like hell after all the paper are officially done. i just cant wait for it to happen. it has been very warm lately. thank GOD for the rain that he had showered. if not, it would a really hot day and i cannot study properly. came back home today not grandmother's place because SUNSHINE said that her mother dont allow her to go for ballet so i decided not to go as i have to start on my biology. well, i should end here and start on my study(:

2007-05-08T21:19:00.000+08:00

well, have been stressed out with studies this few days. exams has already started last week. the papers was going okay last week but until yesterday, i felt like i am going to die sooner or later. math paper was tough. i did not know how to do almost the whole paper. i feel like dropping express math. it's so diffcult! but physics was okay. but i dont think i would do well in my exam. my brother promised to buy me an ipod nano if i do well but i doubt i will get it. it's a 100% that i will just fail this exam terribly. had accounts paper today. it was okay. i finished it within one hour and i did not know what to do as everybody else was still doing their paper so i checked my paper for almost a million times. but i think i am going to fail my theory! all i am thinking now is for exams to end as soon as possible. just two more days! i must perserve(: but i feel like SHOPPING now! i need to shop. it's a urgent need. i have not been shopping for long. everyday have not been a good sleep. i cant sleep and i think i am falling sick soon. shopping on friday and i am excited. hopes my mother allow! tomorrow is math paper and i seriously dont have any hope in it. wish me luck(:

ily(GIRLFRIEND,SUNSHINE)

2007-05-02T21:00:00.000+08:00

well, how should i start ? this week had been great ? i guess. exams has alr started and tomorrow is going to be social studies. i have studied for the first time. but i still cant remember it all. i really have to thank GOD for all this that had happened this past few months. but of course for those people who had been there for me listening to me. THANK YOU(: i dont know what to say but i think i still feel empty. maybe it would just take time.

2007-04-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

i just feel like breaking down into pieces right now.i just cant take any more problems and pressure.everything seems to go wrong for me this year and i dont know why.what's going on with my world?confused?i dont know.but my feelings seems to get more emotion.stress with MYE!MYE is only three days away and i am not prepared yet.i need to study but yet i cant concentrate.all i want to do now is to just go out somewhere in the world and not bother about anything.i want to go to a world where i dont know anyone and start everything fresh.friendships are getting nowhere.i dont know why.but i feel empty deep down inside.SYF are over and i thanked GOD for the result and everything that he had done for me throughout my rehearsals.i am feeling lonely and maybe i think it is because of that.i need a listening ear.will just someone hear me out?i might cry but i dont know.it has been keeping in my heart for long but i just dont want things to get out of control.i need someone urgently.or maybe i should just leave everything to GOD's hands.but i cant take it anymore.all the pressure is coming against me.i have to study but i just keep thinking about the problems.seniors are soon going to leave modern dance.and i just feel like not letting them go.they have be a great senior that had inspires me.when i looked at all the pictures,tears starts to roll down my cheeks.i just cant take it that you guys are going so soon.i will miss you all a lot.modern dance will be boring without you guys.everybody are having their problems and i dont want to give them anymore stress by putting my problems and venting out my anger to them.who can i find to turn to?!i really dont know what to do now.i am just feeling very angry with myself.can i just go to the beach and just shout out everything that i want to say?my feelings are not there anymore,i dont know whether i am still liking you but that's not the problems cause i dont seems to have so much feelings like i have before

2007-04-17T20:54:00.000+08:00

yesterday was really a sad day and it was a really bad day for me but yet i cant seems to remember anything about yesterday! all i know now is that there are lots of project that will be due this week. and i have not finish yet. accounts project will be presented tomorrow and we have yet to finish the song. social studies on friday and we are still half way through. english finish but have to prepare for the presentation. but it was lucky that our group is one of the last. thank GOD for that. he had really helped me through my hardest time. especially last whole week and maybe this week. 2.4km run was GREAT! i have made an attempt not to stop! and guess what?! I DID IT! i ran with natassia till the end. was super happy about it. then later went to tampines mall with michelle and natassia. haha. ate pastamia, saw constance,alyssa and friends. saw annlyn and all. they called me to go to century square to take neoprints! haha. then michelle asked me whether i wanted to go for the guitar recital. so i went with her. haha. but went to michelle's house. discuss the social studies but instead, we all went hyper. especially michelle! next time, dont give her RED BULL! she will go crazy(: trust me! then later natassia left cause she had to go for this camp fire thing. then took a train down to bishan with michelle. she came over to my house. i kept giving her things to see to entertain her because i had to do lots of things. then, dad bought kfc through delivery. michelle did not eat much because she siad she was too full because of pastamia. went to find where ACJC was. then dad send us there. after we reached, the rain started pouring! LUCKY! the recital was great! especially this guy that plays the violin! HE IS SUPER CUTE!(: haha. i dont know why but i seems to get so interested in guitar. haha. SAC was great that night. took a train down to city hall because michelle was thristy. bought starbucks then left home.

stayed back after school today to do the project. but the library was not open so took a cab to michelle's house. after that went home with natassia! okay. that's all. i shall post the photos other day. ( the one that was taken on sat )

2007-04-13T21:39:00.000+08:00

had been a hectic week indeed.been feeling rather stressful from rehearsal for syf and studies.i dont know why but it is really my first time feeling so stress for studies.i really need to buck up,my grades are dropping like nothing.hardly talk much nowadays maybe because of studies.i am sorry guys if i were to say anything nasty.been hot tempted this entire week and i dont know why.but thanks to natassia that i was encouraged by her so that i would want to study again and concentrate in class.maybe after exams and syf,i will be FREE!and i can go as hyper as michelle did today!haha.airport to study anyone?but i am not sure whether i wanna to go.i am going to work hard for now till exams for officially over i guess.but i doubt i would be able to.always having late nights because of homeworks and tests.homeworks have been piling up but thanks that i was so into studying yesterday,that i almost completed my homeworks.projects are all going to due next week and i have yet to complete them although i stayed back to do them after school.i hope we will finish them tomorrow.going to do them after 2.4km run.yup.will be missing ballet again.dad's birthday is on sunday and i have yet to get him a thing.

as for today,nothing much really happened.after school,stayed till 3.30pm to wait for vanessa and her friend so we could go to tampines mall.then left with charlene and jaslin.had to go for my piano.pretty good today.did not get any scolding from her.YEAH!(:2.4km run tomorrow and i am going to faint on the ground for sure.i cant run!why must we have it?oh and today,we had an announcement for the new principal.she will come on monday.hopes she changes some of the school rules although it will never be.haha.

the feelings are back!what am i supposed to do?i got no idea and i really need someone to talk to.maybe i should just concentrate on my studies at the moment till exams are officially over then i will think about it!

2007-04-06T23:35:00.000+08:00

from monday onwards,i am going to work real hard for the modern dance syf piece and not play a fool.i want it and i must work hard for what i want.i felt the stress when i heard indian dance had gold with honours.i was happy for them but yet i feel the pressure coming to me.i will try my best for rehearsal on monday!

went out with alaine,michelle and shin ling today!haha.hilarious!actually,we were supposed to study.as usual,everybody confessed that actually we did not want to study!haha.talk about secrets about each other.haha(:walked around.went to suntec city,later walked over to marina square.window shopping.saw many sacian!actually three only.haha.saw natassia and amelia and her sister.then later saw shin ling's senior,my friends,michelle's cousin and alaine's friend.haha.camwhore in the toilet.k box is our next target(:shin ling and michelle had a feeling that they will see someone but in the end,they did not!it's okay people(:AHHHH.alaine and i went so hyper when we saw this two cute bungs!haha.they are so cute(:haha.saw them almost everywhere we went.like about three or more times!haha.then later went over to suntec's starbucks to study for a while.walked around again and later i left home at about 545pm.overall,the day was fun and full of laughter(:

2007-04-05T22:57:00.000+08:00

i feel confused and stressed.CONGRATS TO INDIAN DANCE!(:now,i feel the stress coming to me!it's just so stressful.it's is in about a week time!i am feeling confused again!so i or not?i dont know.

2007-04-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

all i want to know is why?!

A Friend...is a shoulder when you feel like dying A Friend...always listens when you havesomething to say A Friend...is a week when you need a day A Friend...is a crutch when you have a brokenheart A Friend...is some glue when everything falls apart A Friend...is a sun when the rain just won't stop A Friend...is your'mom when you run into a cop A Friend...is a phone call when you can't leaveyour home A Friend...is a hand when you feel all alone A Friend...is a wing if you want to fly A Friend...understands without knowing why A Friend...is an ear for a secret to tell A Friend...is an aspirin when your head hurts likehell A Friend...is a love that can never let go A Friend... is you,and i wanted you to know!!

2007-03-28T23:17:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARILYN!i hope you enjoyed yourself today during the outing!school as usual.getting tired for every single lesson.just feel like sleeping and thinking about things but mid years are coming therefore,i have to concentrate on my studies.wells,i got no choice.today was fun!it's marilyn!went to city hall to celebrate.alaine,natassia,jaslin,chelsea,marilyn,melissa and i went to new york new york to eat.haha.FUN-NESS!then later after eating,we asked for the candy floss but as they were going to make,the machine spolit!what a timing!but anyways,it helps us to lose weight after eating so much.walked around at marina square.alaine,melissa and natassia left first so chelsea,marilyn,jaslin and i decided to go to k box!it was so fun there!we shall go again!sang lots of songs!woo.anyways,HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARILYN(:

2007-03-23T22:30:00.000+08:00

it's time to let go/give up.i have decided.it is no point going on like this,i cant take anymore pain.it has been one year and three months that i have been going on like this.now,this shall end today and it will never going to happen that i would like you again.NO MORE!no more thinking about things in class but to study hard.i hope this feeling will run away quickly.i dont want to drag on anymore.and rachel,dont cry!i'll be there.and thanks rachel,charlene,jaslin,rosey,prissy,clare,may and eileen for being there for me when i was shedding tears!I LOVE YOU GUYS!it's a emo-ing month for the class.it's so quiet now as danielle said.maybe it is.i hate love!why must there be love in the world?i'm going to be cheerful again and not think about anything but just friends,studies and family.not any other stuff.i'm strong!therefore,i will not think too much(:shall stop here.

esplanade tomorrrow

2007-03-22T22:34:00.000+08:00

lessons are going okay.only that i'm feeling very tired and all.dont feel like living anymore.what's the point?!i am going through my darkness moment now and i hope you guys understand how i feel.i just dont feel like talking about it.i was so happy today till just now that i found out something that i dont which to know but i know.i just dont want to face the fact that this is happening to me.everyone is giving up and i am still the idiot one holding on.maybe it is the time where i should let go and forget everything.i am going to start afresh and not think about it anymore.i will have to give it a try.never going to like red anymore!forever!

2007-03-21T22:18:00.000+08:00

standard test today was horrible.i did not study and i wrote one whole piece of junk.i guess i'm going to fail this time round.accounts stinks!i cant catch up.mdm kee is teaching so fast and i dont get it.what am i going to do?!feeling really stress half way her lesson.cause everything thing she says does not make sense to me.someone,care to teach me accounts,you got to be slow.i need someone that can teach me till i understand clearly.mdm hamidah is away for 3 weeks so another teacher is teaching.prefer this one actually.easier to understand.skip ballet again as usual because have to do social studies project but in the end,i told natassia to teach me accounts.she almost gave up while teaching me.i'm sorry.i'm a slow learner!did all my homework in school then left for home.waited at tanah merah for the train for a long time cause natassia and i just dont feel like going home so early and therefore,we sat there and talk till we wanted to go home.haha.

constance,cheer up!i'll be there for you.(:people having problems and now,it's mine turn.what am going to do now?no one will be my side listening to my problems.although they are there for me,i think they really dont understand how i feel and they dont actually care on the inside.school work are stressful!i cant cope.i just need a break now!waiting for the weekends patiently at the moment.cant wait for saturday!going with prissy& rosy to esplanade for the coppelia!

2007-03-17T22:38:00.000+08:00

yeah!i love the colour RED!because...nothing.yesterday,went to watch stomp the yard!it's brilliant(:okay.shall stop till here.will continue later...

2007-03-12T21:49:00.000+08:00

syf camp ended.it's been a wonderful experience.getting to know them better.i really have to thank prissy & chloe the most for being there for me when i needed someone to talk to and lend a shoulder.thanks!sheryl,aud,shush,natasha,jaslin,pao,glenda and many more.thanks guys!!i'm touched!i guess i'm going to feel the pressure again when it comes to the preview for each level.prissy,if you have any problems or whatever,you can always look for me.i'll be there!chloe!same to you!dont cry okay?!i have been feeling very emotional and all and i just dont wish to show everyone that i'm unhappy.i really wish my feelings are not controlling me.but it is!NATASHA,PRISSY & CHLOE,i can feel the sense of secure in your arms.you guys know when i am sad or whatever.but really,i dont know how to show to you guys that i really am grateful that you was there for me.the only thing i can do now is to say a big THANK YOU!(:i guess i'm feeling mush better after the talk i had with prissy that night when the both of us cant sleep.it was a good chat.i have known you much better prissy.dont worry,i'll be there,i promise.

maybe someday,you guys will slowly leave me.but i am willing to help you guys in every way.thanks for being there for me.i want to love you but i know i will never succeed if i'm going to carry on like this,i hate this feeling.it's coming back again.once again,i'm confused.rosy,please dont give up.i need someone to talk to again!photos:

2007-03-07T18:38:00.000+08:00

had cca on monday and now my whole body is still hurting!i think i'm going to fail my chinese oral.it's so screwed up.i was saying a lot of "like" in the conversation part.i'm prepared to fail although i always fail my chinese exam.haha.had biology/physics standard test today.guess i'm going to fail as i did not study for it till this morning.was reading the notes over and over again.after oral,waited for natassia at the dry swimming pool.supposed to wait for jaslin but did not know where she went so left.thought that she would finish earlier than me when she started first.called her but her phone was off.waited for bus 14 as usual.suddenly,she called me to meet her at the bubble tea shop.went there to meet her.i looked around the school looking for her and asking people whether they saw her but she was still lining up to take her oral!haha.then went back home by 14 and then train.

i did not mean to fall in love but i did.i'm sorry.when i saw you today,i felt so happy and contented that i was able to see you as i did not see you for the past few days.i have thought about letting go but i just cant control my feelings.maybe it's time to let go but i know that i will never be able to.i just want to be a friend there for you when you need someone.but i guess that will never happen.i'm sorry for loving you.

2007-03-04T14:11:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALAINE AND RACHEL WONG!

went for alaine's birthday party yesterday at pasir ris.had tuition at my grandmother's house till 3pm.supposed to meet jaslin at bedok interchange but therefore,changed our mind to meet at plaza singapura.as usual,jaslin is late for 45 mins.she made me spend my time there doing nothing.haha.the third set is out for hana kimi!YEAH!asked my dad to buy.the party was really fun.haha.especially the captain ball.the ball was so bouncy.it was damn hilarious.kept laughing with constance,jaslin,ni ying,danielle and all.haha.laughed till my stomach was pain.okay.shall stop here(:

2007-03-02T22:25:00.000+08:00

went outing yesterday after canossian saint's day.had to stay in the hall for like so long because the teacher wasnt pleased with our behaviour.so irritating.thought could leave early and have more time in our outing.went to town with rachel,vanessa,sue ann,ming zhen,charlene,jaslin & clare.it was fun.celebrated rachel's advance birthday.HAPPY ADVANCE BIRTHDAY GIRL!wishes you all the best in what your decisions are.follow what your heart tells you.went towning and all.cam-whoring with rachel.then later left home with ming zhen and jaslin at 4 plus.i'm sorry for the mood swings.i'm feeling really emotional right now at this time but dont worry i will try to get over it.i will and i am going to do it no matter what.went to changi airport today right after school after stuffing my books in the locker because we had to bring all our books under our table home or else ms wendy will confiscate them.send amanda loy off.it was so sad!see you in december and take care of yourself there overseas.then took a train down with jaslin to plaza singapura to have my piano.

thanks chloe and rosey for cheering me up because of the thing.but i think i will get emotional again next week.but whatever it is,thanks for being there for me when i needed someone to talk to.i love you guys.if there is anything,call me or talk to me!i will be your listening ear being there for you like what you did for me.i will try to do my best to help you(:

2007-02-28T22:01:00.000+08:00

school as usual.just like a rountine everyday.boredom!had accounts standard test today.it went okay.still,dont get what is mdm kee teaching for accounts today.just cant get anything into my rusty brain.it had not been working since monday.been stoning,did not really talk and just having my mood swings.sorry guys if i treated yoiu badly or whatever.just not feeling like myself at all!rachel and alaine's birthday is coming soon!THIS SUNDAY!HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!i guess i will pass your gifts on monday.alaine,sorry,i am not sure whether i could go for the party.i got tuition!but i will try.on monday,mr hamzah and ms saleha wasnt in school therefore,we had four periods free.and yesterday,mrs loke wasnt here so we had two periods to ourself.after school,went we shin ling,natasha,alaine and jaslin to eat.spend our time wandering about till 3.30pm.waited for rosey at the canteen so that we could go for ballet together.it was raining,however we got wet because we were waiting for the cab.only six people came today for ballet.everybody were having rehearsal for the next production of coppelia.i seriously need to work hard for syf.especially my facial expression.it is so retarded and spastic as said my rosey.so i have to train for my idoitic face.HALF DAY tomorrow.going out after that.yeah!!

2007-02-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

23 feb 2007

school as usual.after school,stayed back for a little while then left at 3.30pm because i had piano at plaza singapura.took a cab with jaslin there.it was so hilarious in the cab.i gave jaslin bubble gum,then this small little thing was crawling on the door.then i moved to the other side so jaslin will not be so close.haha.then she told me not to talk because the thing can smell us and will crawl towards us.then she sneeze.haha.she made this weird little sound and she started laughing.haha.she even took a video of that thing but she deleted it after that.walked around.spend a long time taking one photo because of jaslin.she kept laughing because when she blew her gum,she will start laughing.i was waiting patiently for her to blow finish but she took so long.lol.then when to daiso to see the garden thing.then jaslin left at 4pm.went to the studio but the teacher was nowhere to be found as another teacher would be teaching me.i waited but nobody came so i left.met up with my dad and had dinner.went to my aunt house to book the tickets for dream girls at 9.15pm at junction 8.met my brother and mother at junction 8.the show is really nice.their voice is really good and powerful,cried for some parts because it was so touching to me.
24 feb 2007

went to granny's house for tuition.then later went to orchard road to meet up with my mum.went to far east to get mum's bag done.then walked down to heeren to look for my bag.got this puma tote bag.went for chingay.saw lots of cute,handsome guys.actually,most guys in singapore are quite cute and handsome but not all.only that we just dont happen to see any.okay.enough about those.later left at about 9.15pm.on the way walking to the train station,fireworks started.it is really beautiful.very gorgeous.

if only i have you,i wish i would sit beside you and see the sparkling fireworks in the sky.

2007-02-23T00:19:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year!